Tango Etiquette – A Century of Tradition
There are probably more interpretations of tango culture than there are dancers. This is my take on it, and I hope you find it helpful, especially if you are going to Buenos Aires. Wherever you are, though, this etiquette is an integral though rarely discussed aspect of the dance. Familiarity with it will help new dancers avoid embarrassment, awkwardness and risk, and allow the more experienced to set a good example.
Whoever or wherever you are, knowing what to do and what not to do will maximize your tango dance experience.
Milongas and practicas
A milonga is a dance party where people dress up and observe the social niceties I’m going to describe.
A milonga isn’t the place to critique someone’s dancing, not even if you’re trying to be helpful. Show your partner a new step only if they ask you to, and then move to a far corner or non-dance area. More experienced dancers need to remember they were once beginners, and to be patient, polite and sensitive. Even a well-intended comment can ruin someone's evening.
The proper place to teach someone a new move is at a practica, which is usually shorter and less formal than a milonga. Here, you can try new things, work on specific moves, or ask friends to show you things. It’s OK to offer helpful feedback if your partner doesn't mind.
On the dance floor
Couples follow a "line-of-dance", moving anti-clockwise around the floor. The faster lanes are towards the outside of the floor; the slower nearer the middle. Refrain from cutting across these lanes or through the centre, or dancing backwards, especially on a crowded floor.
If you’re not dancing, respect those who are by staying clear of the dancers. Don’t walk or stand and talk in the dance lanes. Dance-floor real estate is always in demand, and dancers get priority.
Showing off the follower is a big part of tango, so leaders should, as far as possible, keep followers between themselves and the edge of the floor.
It’s the follower's absolute prerogative to establish the closeness of the embrace. It’s rude for a leader to apply any kind of pressure, physical or verbal, to do so. The leader usually holds out his left hand, the follower takes it and then places her left hand wherever she wishes (from the leader's upper arm), signalling a desire for open embrace, to the back of the neck or beyond (for close embrace). Only then should the leader complete the embrace. If the leader doesn't extend his hand, the follower places her left hand to establish the embrace.
It’s not appropriate to touch the leader’s neck unless he is your significant other – or you want him to be :-) If you’re in a relationship, behave as though your partner is standing next to you when you are dancing with someone else.
Never blame your partner for anything that happens on the dance floor – not if you want him/her to dance with you again. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it’s the leader’s fault.
Health and safety
Your first concern should be the safety of you, your partner and other dancers. Dancing on a crowded floor is to some extent an exercise in safe, creative and fun dodging. Leader and follower should always be alert to dancers front and back, and to the sides.
Leaders need to remember their partner is walking backwards and entrusting you with their safety. Look after them.
If a couple in front stops, then either dance around them (not recommended unless you have lots of space), mark time or use a tango side-rocking step, for example, to continue dancing until they move.
If a collision is imminent, try to soften it by stopping and bringing in your arms. Once it’s happened, be polite and friendly – make eye contact and acknowledge the collision, even if it wasn’t your fault. A follower who sees a collision about to happen may apply slight pressure to the leader’s back as a sign he is about to bump into someone and should stop.
No one likes being kicked, run into or stepped on, so on a crowded dance floor avoid aggressive movements, high boleos, hard-hitting ganchos, and leg extensions. If you are about to step on someone (hopefully not your partner), avoid following through with your weight.
If the floor is crowded, stopping for a long time in the outer lane to perform dance patterns won’t win you any admirers. It can hold up dancers coming from behind and, in any case, is often unsafe to nearby dancers. It's not the Olympics or "show time" – it's a social dance, so relax and have fun.
If you want to stop moving forward and execute a couple of patterns, move to the centre of the floor. Try to maintain the same distance between you and the couples in front and behind.
It’s not appropriate to talk while dancing. Nor should you interrupt dancers – not even to say hello or goodbye. If you must acknowledge someone, confine it to a quick nod, and if you urgently need to talk to them, wait for a moment between songs and keep it brief. Imagine how you’d feel if your partner started talking to or waving at someone else! Your dance partner deserves your undivided attention.
The music
Milonga DJs play tango music in tandas – a set of three or four songs by the same orchestra from the same period – and you’ll hear three types of music: tango, tango vals and milonga. Eventually, you’ll want to be comfortable dancing them all.
Usually you’ll hear two sets of four tangos, one set of three valses, two sets of four tangos, and one set of three milongas, in repeating cycles. Earlier in the evening you might hear this variation: four tangos, three valses, four tangos, three milongas, four tangos, then a few alternative or neotango songs, before the cycle is repeated.
You can turn this predictability to your advantage by planning to find your favorite milonga partner when you know there's a milonga set coming soon.
Argentine tango is about dancing a feeling, and each orchestra has its own feeling. Playing the music in sets by orchestra gives dancers the opportunity to dance the feeling of that particular orchestra. It allows you to choose a partner to fit the music. Dancing to a sequence in a set lets you get to know and appreciate the subtlety of your partner’s lead/follow in your search for that special feeling.
It also gives everyone the chance of dancing with several people, which is the norm at a milonga, and stops people “hogging” the better dancers.
In between tandas, DJs usually play a cortina – a short (about 30 seconds) piece of non-tango music. This tells dancers the tanda is over and a new one about to begin. During the cortina, everyone is expected to clear the floor. The next tanda will be a different style of music and is danced with a new partner.
Most tango tunes have an introduction. The lead decides when to start dancing again so followers should not try to take the embrace until the leader is ready.
Finding a partner
The charming, time-honoured Argentine custom of the cabeceo makes inviting, accepting and declining dances less stressful. You invite someone to dance by catching their eye, smiling and nodding, or perhaps raising your eyebrows inquiringly and nodding towards the dance floor. You accept this invitation by smiling and nodding back. Then both of you walk to the dance floor and dance.
This discretion allows the possibility of declining without having to say "no". It spares everyone’s feelings.
Don’t ask directly, or stand over your prospective partner, or indicate before the music starts that you want to dance with them. They might not like the music or may have agreed to dance with someone else before you arrived.
If a leader is too insensitive to recognize that you broke eye contact, or never even made it, just say "No, thank you", with or without a big smile. This is important! If followers let themselves be pressured into dances they don't want, or otherwise accede to rude behavior, they encourage it. Followers have the absolute right to decline to dance with anyone, at any time, for any reason.
If you are asked verbally to dance, there are only two acceptable kinds of responses:
1. “Yes, thank you”; “I’d love to”; “That would be nice, thank you, I would …”.
“I suppose so”, “Well… OK” and “If I have to” aren’t good ways to start a dance.
2. “No, thanks anyway, but I'm sitting this one out”; “I’m just taking a break”; “Could we dance later? I don’t like this music”. If you choose 2, you must sit out the rest of the tanda.
Not finishing the tanda with a partner is often seen as insulting, but, if someone stinks of drink, smells bad, behaves obnoxiously, starts teaching on the floor or is physically hurting you because of a bad embrace, it’s OK to excuse yourself, even if it’s in the middle of a tune.
It’s rude to invite someone to dance before they have come off the dance floor (somebody may be waiting for them), extremely rude to interrupt conversations to invite someone to dance, and even worse to simply walk up to them and hold out your hand as if calling your dog for a walk.
It’s nice to acknowledge the partner of someone you’re asking for a dance. This is especially important with people you don’t know – it makes everyone feel more comfortable.
Serious dancers (leaders and followers) often won't dance with somebody they haven't seen dancing, so leaders and followers need somebody to show them off when they arrive at a milonga where they are not known.
When and how to stop dancing
It’s customary to dance an entire tanda with the same person before saying “thank you” and moving on. Keep your thanks to the end of the set. If you say “thank you” – in other words, drop your partner – before the end of the tanda, it conveys the message that you don’t enjoy dancing with them. Do it only if your inconvenience or impatience outweighs the rudeness.
Between songs in a tanda, people often introduce themselves or just chat. You might want say “That was nice” or make a friendly comment on their dancing style.
Let go of your partner between songs – it’s a little odd to stay locked in the embrace without music. Wait for the next song to start before resuming the embrace. Of course, this does not apply to dancing with your significant other or special date, in which case nobody can reasonably object to you being all over each other the whole night.
It’s impolite to invite someone you know for the last dance of a tanda: it implies you want only one dance with them. But this is a good way to find out how well somebody you don't know dances. It’s especially true for leaders: an experienced follower who’s not dancing by the last dance of a tanda will usually take a risk with an unknown leader.
Once you accept an invitation to dance, you must grin and bear it for the duration of the dance, even if your partner tries your patience. Your options are to drop your partner before the tanda ends or to tolerate the situation with grace. Whatever you do, try not to glower, and never roll your eyes or make faces at your friends. Potential partners will notice and are sure to wonder if you do the same thing while dancing with them. Try closing your eyes or putting on a patient face until the ordeal is over.
Making friends and making advances
Tango can be a fairly invasive way to socialise, and the tango embrace is a privilege, not an opportunity. If flirtation and advances aren’t consensual or reciprocated, they should cease.
Anyone made to feel uncomfortable by unwanted advances should talk to someone who’s been in the scene for a while to see if the matter can be resolved diplomatically and discreetly, or even decisively. It’s important that everybody feels safe and comfortable.
Personal hygiene
Use an anti-perspirant (which is better than deodorant)! Wear a clean shirt and bring a spare if you’re inclined to get sweaty. If you intend dancing after a long day at work, consider swinging by your house or the gym to take a shower and change.
Invest in a fragrance that smells good, and use it sparingly. Some people have a problem getting up close and personal to heavy perfumes. Breath mints or gum are a good idea, too.
Dancing with beginners
Dancing well with a total beginner is a skill that distinguishes advanced from intermediate dancers. Advanced leaders can lead steps beginners never knew they could do. Advanced followers move so lightly and easily that beginners can make them follow steps they've just learned and that don't yet work on other dancers.
This means two things: if a beginner messes up, it’s not all their fault and the advanced dancer needs to be patient; if beginners mess up a lot then the advanced dancer isn’t practicing enough on beginners!
No unsolicited teaching on the dance floor! This is very likely to make your partner feel small and humiliated. Not a great way of encouraging him/her, or others, to dance with you.
Close embrace is by mutual informed consent. If a beginner is uncomfortable dancing close embrace, don’t push it.
Beginners often don’t know about tango etiquette, so you might need to explain that, for instance, if they say thank you before the end of the tanda, it’s a sign that the dance is over.
On the other hand, monopolizing a beginner who doesn't know how to get away is a low trick. Dancers are polite and rarely say no to a dance, but this isn’t carte blanche to impose on their kindness. Dance with everyone, and let everyone dance. Remember that we were all beginners once.
Make your partner happy
The biggest secret of success in social dancing is making your partners happy. Once you succeed at this, your popularity will soar and you will never be short of willing, and enthusiastic partners.
Protect your partner:
The first aspect of this for leaders is floor craft. Anticipate the movement of other dancers, and match your figures to empty spaces on the floor so you don’t run your partner into other couples. Secondly, if there’s danger of imminent collision, pull your partner close and turn so that you absorb the blow.
Make your partner feel appreciated:
The most popular dancers aren’t necessarily the most skillful, but rather the ones who make it clear how much they appreciate and enjoy their partner’s company. Most people prefer not to dance with someone who acts bored or put upon, no matter how amazing their dancing.
Avoid collisions:
If you’re a leader who finds people bump into you a lot, it’s your fault! Collisions do happen and it’s good manners to smile apologetically, even if it wasn’t your fault. Beginners, especially, take time to learn good navigation skills, so be patient with them.
Conclusion:
There are exceptions to all the above depending on how well you know the person you are dancing with and how long you have been dancing with them.
Have fun!!!
There are probably more interpretations of tango culture than there are dancers. This is my take on it, and I hope you find it helpful, especially if you are going to Buenos Aires. Wherever you are, though, this etiquette is an integral though rarely discussed aspect of the dance. Familiarity with it will help new dancers avoid embarrassment, awkwardness and risk, and allow the more experienced to set a good example.
Whoever or wherever you are, knowing what to do and what not to do will maximize your tango dance experience.
Milongas and practicas
A milonga is a dance party where people dress up and observe the social niceties I’m going to describe.
A milonga isn’t the place to critique someone’s dancing, not even if you’re trying to be helpful. Show your partner a new step only if they ask you to, and then move to a far corner or non-dance area. More experienced dancers need to remember they were once beginners, and to be patient, polite and sensitive. Even a well-intended comment can ruin someone's evening.
The proper place to teach someone a new move is at a practica, which is usually shorter and less formal than a milonga. Here, you can try new things, work on specific moves, or ask friends to show you things. It’s OK to offer helpful feedback if your partner doesn't mind.
On the dance floor
Couples follow a "line-of-dance", moving anti-clockwise around the floor. The faster lanes are towards the outside of the floor; the slower nearer the middle. Refrain from cutting across these lanes or through the centre, or dancing backwards, especially on a crowded floor.
If you’re not dancing, respect those who are by staying clear of the dancers. Don’t walk or stand and talk in the dance lanes. Dance-floor real estate is always in demand, and dancers get priority.
Showing off the follower is a big part of tango, so leaders should, as far as possible, keep followers between themselves and the edge of the floor.
It’s the follower's absolute prerogative to establish the closeness of the embrace. It’s rude for a leader to apply any kind of pressure, physical or verbal, to do so. The leader usually holds out his left hand, the follower takes it and then places her left hand wherever she wishes (from the leader's upper arm), signalling a desire for open embrace, to the back of the neck or beyond (for close embrace). Only then should the leader complete the embrace. If the leader doesn't extend his hand, the follower places her left hand to establish the embrace.
It’s not appropriate to touch the leader’s neck unless he is your significant other – or you want him to be :-) If you’re in a relationship, behave as though your partner is standing next to you when you are dancing with someone else.
Never blame your partner for anything that happens on the dance floor – not if you want him/her to dance with you again. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it’s the leader’s fault.
Health and safety
Your first concern should be the safety of you, your partner and other dancers. Dancing on a crowded floor is to some extent an exercise in safe, creative and fun dodging. Leader and follower should always be alert to dancers front and back, and to the sides.
Leaders need to remember their partner is walking backwards and entrusting you with their safety. Look after them.
If a couple in front stops, then either dance around them (not recommended unless you have lots of space), mark time or use a tango side-rocking step, for example, to continue dancing until they move.
If a collision is imminent, try to soften it by stopping and bringing in your arms. Once it’s happened, be polite and friendly – make eye contact and acknowledge the collision, even if it wasn’t your fault. A follower who sees a collision about to happen may apply slight pressure to the leader’s back as a sign he is about to bump into someone and should stop.
No one likes being kicked, run into or stepped on, so on a crowded dance floor avoid aggressive movements, high boleos, hard-hitting ganchos, and leg extensions. If you are about to step on someone (hopefully not your partner), avoid following through with your weight.
If the floor is crowded, stopping for a long time in the outer lane to perform dance patterns won’t win you any admirers. It can hold up dancers coming from behind and, in any case, is often unsafe to nearby dancers. It's not the Olympics or "show time" – it's a social dance, so relax and have fun.
If you want to stop moving forward and execute a couple of patterns, move to the centre of the floor. Try to maintain the same distance between you and the couples in front and behind.
It’s not appropriate to talk while dancing. Nor should you interrupt dancers – not even to say hello or goodbye. If you must acknowledge someone, confine it to a quick nod, and if you urgently need to talk to them, wait for a moment between songs and keep it brief. Imagine how you’d feel if your partner started talking to or waving at someone else! Your dance partner deserves your undivided attention.
The music
Milonga DJs play tango music in tandas – a set of three or four songs by the same orchestra from the same period – and you’ll hear three types of music: tango, tango vals and milonga. Eventually, you’ll want to be comfortable dancing them all.
Usually you’ll hear two sets of four tangos, one set of three valses, two sets of four tangos, and one set of three milongas, in repeating cycles. Earlier in the evening you might hear this variation: four tangos, three valses, four tangos, three milongas, four tangos, then a few alternative or neotango songs, before the cycle is repeated.
You can turn this predictability to your advantage by planning to find your favorite milonga partner when you know there's a milonga set coming soon.
Argentine tango is about dancing a feeling, and each orchestra has its own feeling. Playing the music in sets by orchestra gives dancers the opportunity to dance the feeling of that particular orchestra. It allows you to choose a partner to fit the music. Dancing to a sequence in a set lets you get to know and appreciate the subtlety of your partner’s lead/follow in your search for that special feeling.
It also gives everyone the chance of dancing with several people, which is the norm at a milonga, and stops people “hogging” the better dancers.
In between tandas, DJs usually play a cortina – a short (about 30 seconds) piece of non-tango music. This tells dancers the tanda is over and a new one about to begin. During the cortina, everyone is expected to clear the floor. The next tanda will be a different style of music and is danced with a new partner.
Most tango tunes have an introduction. The lead decides when to start dancing again so followers should not try to take the embrace until the leader is ready.
Finding a partner
The charming, time-honoured Argentine custom of the cabeceo makes inviting, accepting and declining dances less stressful. You invite someone to dance by catching their eye, smiling and nodding, or perhaps raising your eyebrows inquiringly and nodding towards the dance floor. You accept this invitation by smiling and nodding back. Then both of you walk to the dance floor and dance.
This discretion allows the possibility of declining without having to say "no". It spares everyone’s feelings.
Don’t ask directly, or stand over your prospective partner, or indicate before the music starts that you want to dance with them. They might not like the music or may have agreed to dance with someone else before you arrived.
If a leader is too insensitive to recognize that you broke eye contact, or never even made it, just say "No, thank you", with or without a big smile. This is important! If followers let themselves be pressured into dances they don't want, or otherwise accede to rude behavior, they encourage it. Followers have the absolute right to decline to dance with anyone, at any time, for any reason.
If you are asked verbally to dance, there are only two acceptable kinds of responses:
1. “Yes, thank you”; “I’d love to”; “That would be nice, thank you, I would …”.
“I suppose so”, “Well… OK” and “If I have to” aren’t good ways to start a dance.
2. “No, thanks anyway, but I'm sitting this one out”; “I’m just taking a break”; “Could we dance later? I don’t like this music”. If you choose 2, you must sit out the rest of the tanda.
Not finishing the tanda with a partner is often seen as insulting, but, if someone stinks of drink, smells bad, behaves obnoxiously, starts teaching on the floor or is physically hurting you because of a bad embrace, it’s OK to excuse yourself, even if it’s in the middle of a tune.
It’s rude to invite someone to dance before they have come off the dance floor (somebody may be waiting for them), extremely rude to interrupt conversations to invite someone to dance, and even worse to simply walk up to them and hold out your hand as if calling your dog for a walk.
It’s nice to acknowledge the partner of someone you’re asking for a dance. This is especially important with people you don’t know – it makes everyone feel more comfortable.
Serious dancers (leaders and followers) often won't dance with somebody they haven't seen dancing, so leaders and followers need somebody to show them off when they arrive at a milonga where they are not known.
When and how to stop dancing
It’s customary to dance an entire tanda with the same person before saying “thank you” and moving on. Keep your thanks to the end of the set. If you say “thank you” – in other words, drop your partner – before the end of the tanda, it conveys the message that you don’t enjoy dancing with them. Do it only if your inconvenience or impatience outweighs the rudeness.
Between songs in a tanda, people often introduce themselves or just chat. You might want say “That was nice” or make a friendly comment on their dancing style.
Let go of your partner between songs – it’s a little odd to stay locked in the embrace without music. Wait for the next song to start before resuming the embrace. Of course, this does not apply to dancing with your significant other or special date, in which case nobody can reasonably object to you being all over each other the whole night.
It’s impolite to invite someone you know for the last dance of a tanda: it implies you want only one dance with them. But this is a good way to find out how well somebody you don't know dances. It’s especially true for leaders: an experienced follower who’s not dancing by the last dance of a tanda will usually take a risk with an unknown leader.
Once you accept an invitation to dance, you must grin and bear it for the duration of the dance, even if your partner tries your patience. Your options are to drop your partner before the tanda ends or to tolerate the situation with grace. Whatever you do, try not to glower, and never roll your eyes or make faces at your friends. Potential partners will notice and are sure to wonder if you do the same thing while dancing with them. Try closing your eyes or putting on a patient face until the ordeal is over.
Making friends and making advances
Tango can be a fairly invasive way to socialise, and the tango embrace is a privilege, not an opportunity. If flirtation and advances aren’t consensual or reciprocated, they should cease.
Anyone made to feel uncomfortable by unwanted advances should talk to someone who’s been in the scene for a while to see if the matter can be resolved diplomatically and discreetly, or even decisively. It’s important that everybody feels safe and comfortable.
Personal hygiene
Use an anti-perspirant (which is better than deodorant)! Wear a clean shirt and bring a spare if you’re inclined to get sweaty. If you intend dancing after a long day at work, consider swinging by your house or the gym to take a shower and change.
Invest in a fragrance that smells good, and use it sparingly. Some people have a problem getting up close and personal to heavy perfumes. Breath mints or gum are a good idea, too.
Dancing with beginners
Dancing well with a total beginner is a skill that distinguishes advanced from intermediate dancers. Advanced leaders can lead steps beginners never knew they could do. Advanced followers move so lightly and easily that beginners can make them follow steps they've just learned and that don't yet work on other dancers.
This means two things: if a beginner messes up, it’s not all their fault and the advanced dancer needs to be patient; if beginners mess up a lot then the advanced dancer isn’t practicing enough on beginners!
No unsolicited teaching on the dance floor! This is very likely to make your partner feel small and humiliated. Not a great way of encouraging him/her, or others, to dance with you.
Close embrace is by mutual informed consent. If a beginner is uncomfortable dancing close embrace, don’t push it.
Beginners often don’t know about tango etiquette, so you might need to explain that, for instance, if they say thank you before the end of the tanda, it’s a sign that the dance is over.
On the other hand, monopolizing a beginner who doesn't know how to get away is a low trick. Dancers are polite and rarely say no to a dance, but this isn’t carte blanche to impose on their kindness. Dance with everyone, and let everyone dance. Remember that we were all beginners once.
Make your partner happy
The biggest secret of success in social dancing is making your partners happy. Once you succeed at this, your popularity will soar and you will never be short of willing, and enthusiastic partners.
Protect your partner:
The first aspect of this for leaders is floor craft. Anticipate the movement of other dancers, and match your figures to empty spaces on the floor so you don’t run your partner into other couples. Secondly, if there’s danger of imminent collision, pull your partner close and turn so that you absorb the blow.
Make your partner feel appreciated:
The most popular dancers aren’t necessarily the most skillful, but rather the ones who make it clear how much they appreciate and enjoy their partner’s company. Most people prefer not to dance with someone who acts bored or put upon, no matter how amazing their dancing.
Avoid collisions:
If you’re a leader who finds people bump into you a lot, it’s your fault! Collisions do happen and it’s good manners to smile apologetically, even if it wasn’t your fault. Beginners, especially, take time to learn good navigation skills, so be patient with them.
Conclusion:
There are exceptions to all the above depending on how well you know the person you are dancing with and how long you have been dancing with them.
Have fun!!!